Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
