I wish I could teleport
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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