So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
