How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Alive.
So much puke
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
