i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize