I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
