shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
