so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
