Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
