So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
