I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
