I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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