doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
