Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
