I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
