I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
