the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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