I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
