Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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