Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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