Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it hurts more in the daytime
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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