Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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