Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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