but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
