someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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