Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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