I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize