You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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