I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
