I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
