The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
