I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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