he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
