All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize