he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
