He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
