What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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