yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Less talking, more tequila
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
