i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize