Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
