We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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