How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Randomize
