I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
