Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
