I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
