well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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