just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
