Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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