Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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