she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
