yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
