how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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