Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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