We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
