Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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