Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
