I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
