When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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