OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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