the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
