I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
