I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize