Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
